Through my spiritual journey in this life I have learned just how important it is to learn to love and accept yourself, all others and life events.
So many of us have experienced relationships and situations where the message to us is that we are not acceptable, worthy or loved by others. We may be told that we are not smart enough, not attractive enough, too short, too tall, to overweight, too thin, we are not talented at this or that so we shouldn’t pursue it. We talk to much, we don’t concentrate, are selfish or lazy. The list of criticisms we might have directed our way goes on an on. Not all of us will have experienced all of these but you get the drift.
Often because we are taught that we have to be certain things to be accepted and we are trying so hard to fit in or to perhaps, go unnoticed, we learn to apply the same rules to others, well if am am not smart enough, then he is too smart, if I am not good at sport, then that person is not good at spelling. We begin to view others through that same negative lens that those around us have used to view us. This is where negative judgements come in. It is how we begin to categorise and label others, we look for their differences and assess whether we think they are up to snuff. Are they better than us or worse than us? How do we measure up? Often because it is painful to us to feel we are less than others, we look for things about another that we can dislike so that we can feel better about ourselves, if someone else is worse off than us then we are doing okay. Sometimes this can result in us pointing the finger at others, gossiping and teasing etc so that if everyone around us is focussing on the negatives about that person, perhaps they will leave us alone. We might seem more palatable to others if we team up against someone else.
Finally, because we feel low when situations happen around us seem not to have a positive outcome for us, for whatever reason, we often tend to see the circumstance as a negative, we blame the external event rather than looking at it from a more helpful perspective such as what can I learn from this? what could have been done differently next time? what role did I play in this, if any? What were the underlying elements involved that came together to create this situation? is it really all bad or perhaps, have positive outcomes occurred such as people coming together to support each other?
Most of these perspectives, choices and behaviours come out of fear. Fear that we are not good enough, that we are not acceptable or worthy of being loved. Fear that we have to compete with others in order to gain approval and success. Fear of difference because difference can be viewed as not fitting in and seen as threatening. Finally, fear that we are out of control, that circumstances around us could occur that will have negative outcomes for us that will make us feel sad, angry or generally uncomfortable in some way, perhaps could even lead to us being hurt or killed.
Living a life of fear we are told often, and I believe, is not really living. It is a diminished life lacking joy, peace and contentment. It is a life that is restricted. When we live in fear we often avoid things, we change what we would love to do or be to what we think is safest and so we are not really living to our full potential. We act as those we are waiting constantly for the other shoe to drop, walking on egg shells. Trying to be what is expected of us and fly under the radar. So many of us say this is no way to live and yet why is it that this is exactly how the majority of people in this world are living. In one way or another. Fear is dictating the lives of most of us. This is of course on a continuum. Some are more fearful or anxious than others. However, if you are sitting there right now and saying, “i am not living my life in fear, this is rubbish” take a few moments to really look at your self, how accepting and loving are you really to yourself? How accepting and loving are you really of others? Have you ever railed at external events feeling outraged at things that are happening around you? Ask yourself, where does this come from? I am sure if you drill down far enough and are completely honest with yourself, you will find that fear is at the foundation of your thoughts, words or actions.
The truth is that we all enter this world whole, completely content with who we are. As babies we don’t have any thoughts that perhaps we are not enough or are flawed in some way, we are not looking at others with judgement, comparing ourselves to them or thinking that they are lacking in some way. Gradually as we take in external stimuli, learn what the tone in other’s vices mean, understand body language cues and are able to cognitively grasp the meaning in what other’s are saying, we start to understand that we are being judged by others and sometimes, perhaps even often, to our surprise, come up short in their view. Those closest to us such as parents, family members, teachers, friends, whose opinions we value and acceptance we seek, tend to be able to hurt and influence us the most. They shape our views of the world because we love, respect and value them, we need their acceptance and their help and support as children, in order to survive so we try to please them as best we can. Often we begin to live for them instead of ourselves in this process. We change our behaviour, they shape our views of the world, values and beliefs.
There comes a time when we reach adulthood and begin to live independent lives making our own way in the world. Many of us, having developed patterns of behaviour, simply go on as we have always done, berating ourselves, believing that we are not enough and must continually strive for the acceptance of others, find out what it is that others need from us and be that person. We go on to be our harshest judges and to judge others similarly, we see others as our competitors rather than our brothers and sisters, friends, people we could learn from and encourage. We continue to hold fears about the world around us always assessing for threats or danger, worried that we might fail our course or make a fool or ourselves with that presentation we have to give, don’t eat too much at dinner in case others comment on your weight, must wear the right outfit to avoid negative comments. We worry that someone we love will have a car accident when they are a little late home, await the next earth quake or terrorist attacks, constantly hold fear and complain to each other about the state of the world.
Some of us, however, begin to feel a discomfort with our way of life, we start to question, why we hold certain beliefs, do we really believe these ideas and hold these values, are they helpful? what do they contribute to our life really? Why did our parents, family members, teachers, friends, behave in these ways towards us, where did they get their beliefs from? Do our parents and teachers really know everything? are they right? As we grow older and develop cognitively, we begin to understand that our elders are not the perfect “gods” we thought they were, in fact they are human beings who make mistakes and have problems, they are imperfect beings just as we are. Therefore, perhaps we have the right to question some of their perspectives and ask where these came from and on what kind of foundation they were built.
This is an important step in the growth of every human being. It is the path that can lead us to a true understanding of who we really are. When we begin to ask the questions and look deeper into these ideologies we have clung to, we have the opportunity to challenge them and to look for evidence as to whether they are really accurate, how they make us feel, whether they are useful or not. Whether we have become the kind of person we really want to be and are totally happy with ourselves and our lives based on these beliefs, this way of life we have been living.
It is every human beings right to live a life of free will, to develop their own beliefs about themselves, fellow human beings and the world around them. We have the tools we need to work these out for ourselves, those being our heart, our gut and our third eye. From these 3 power centres we access our intuition and insight, our soul or higher self’s voice can be heard and the infinite wisdom carried by this larger awareness that we possess is provided an avenue to communicate with us the truth about all of this.
When we are able to access the wisdom of our soul, we begin to understand our life purpose, why we are here on earth, what we came to learn through experience. We recognise that each and every person on the planet is unique and has their own special gifts and this is exactly as it should be. No 2 people on the planet will ever live exactly the same life and experiences, this is no accident. We are all meant to have our own individual lives, travel our own path. All paths lead back to the same place so no one really ever gets lost. Some paths are steep, others are rocky, some are long and winding and others chop and change direction. Each one has value in it’s own way. No path is better or worse or of more or less value for on the path of our soul’s choosing we will learn exactly what we need to in this lifetime.
When we try to deviate from this path and follow the path of another, we will find ourselves feeling dissatisfied, lost, depressed, confused, empty, perhaps frustrated and irritable and a whole manner of other less than joyful emotions. When we get to the end of such a life, not having ever stopped to wonder and giving ourselves the opportunity to correct our direction, there is a danger that we may experience regret and perhaps that we may need to live the same life over again to try to learn those lessons that we were supposed to this time around. If that is what happens do not fear because all is as it should be and you will get there in the end. We will all get to where we are meant to be in the end.
However, if you could do so more quickly and directly, it might feel more joyful on your journey and you are likely to save yourself some pain and discomfort along the way.
So knowing this, we do not have the right to judge another for the path they are on, it is their own, we can not know what they are here to learn and we do not have the right to try and tell them to go another way. We do not have the right to make it harder for them than it might already be. It is important to encourage each other on their path, to offer support, send compassion and be kind. When another is experiencing joy, allow their joy to be our own and revel in their happiness for it is infectious and their joy truely can be our own. Equally, no one has the right to judge us and the path that we are on. No one has the right to try to tell us to walk a different path because our’s is not good enough or because we should be just like them. Our path is our own and it is exactly where we need to be and should be right now. When we are on our path and following our heart and the wisdom of our soul, we will know true joy and satisfaction. That is not to say that there will not be challenges and hardships along the way, but when we understand that this is how we learn and grow, our challenges are no longer so difficult for us and we can see as valuable and rise up t meet them because we know that when we get to the other side we will have learned a lot and evolved to new heights. This is what we are here for.
Also, it is not helpful to judge external events as good or bad, for in the present we might not understand why they have occurred. While we are expending our energy deciding whether an event is to our liking or not, whether it creates inconveniences or challenges for us that we would rather not deal with, we might miss the real opportunity to learn, to really understand why this occurred and how we can all grow and change in positive directions as a result of this. Events are not good or bad unless we attach such meanings to them, they are neutral until we attach meaning. Once we do so that is when the emotion follows, joy, pain, ambiguity, anger, happiness, security or fear etc.
We can not change events once they have occurred, however, what I know to be the truth is that if an event that appears as an atrocity or seems sad, to us comes to be, we will not make things better by sending out more negativity to the event or people involved. When we exude anger, sadness, hatred and fear, in the direction where these emotions seem likely to have born the event in the first place, we simply add more negativity and “rub salt in the wound” as it were. When we send out love, compassion, healing and light energy, we are more likely to uplift and heal the earth and those involved, we are more likely to plant the seed of light in the situation and from that slow positive changes and growth can occur.
So I will finish by expressing my truth, that I have come to know in this life, a truth that I will admit, I am still working on living myself, but that I believe is worth continuing to try for, the only path to joy is through love, light and acceptance of all things. Love yourself unconditionally, no matter what flaws you may believe you have, love yourself regardless and when you do, those flaws you see will begin to heal. Pour light into the darkness where ever you find it and the light shall always emerge as it is stronger. Do not doubt it. It may take time but light will always emerge in the end. Love and accept your fellow humans and send compassion rather than hate, for a person committing hateful acts is a person who is steeped in fear and has lost their way. Shine light and love in their direction and slowly they will begin to heal and see the truth once more.
Where ever there is an event that seems catastrophic, again, send light and love the that area of the planet and to all involved so that positive energy can prevail and uplift all involved.
Know this, we are all one, we are all born of the same light energy, whether you accept this or not. Every particle of energy in existence will one day reunite with the one source from which it came. We can not cast off any part of the whole because this would mean that the one energy could never be whole again and this can not happen. This will not be allowed to happen. Therefore, we must accept that each part is equally and infinitely of value to the whole, there is no one part that is worth less. When we understand this we come to know our own value and the worth of everything around us and see that we do not have the right to judge any energy as less than.
Whether you think these words are true or are skeptical, is up to you, however, I will suggest that sending light and love energy can never do any harm and therefore if you try it and the more of you who do, the better, there will not be a negative outcome and it may just surprise you that things improve on our planet. So I ask you to give it a try. Next time you reach for judgement, check yourself and try sending love and light instead. Apply this to yourself, the people around you and the world at large. Let’s experiment and just see what might happen the more of us who do this.
Life is a joyful adventure when you choose for it to be so.
Much love and light sent to All.