So what does this mean exactly?
Well firstly, you need to know what your own truth is. This is often trickier than we might think. For example as a counsellor when I ask people certain abstract questions that are actually quite pivotal to the individual’s truth, such as “what are your values and beliefs about the world, other people, yourself?” they often struggle to answer. Another difficult one can be “what does respect mean to you?” while we ask for this from others and perhaps tell other’s they are disrespecting us or tell our children to “be more respectful” many of us find it difficult to explain what this means to them in more concrete terms. After all, being respectful comes down to a bunch of concrete behaviours that another demonstrates in their actions. Yet when we try to explain what it means to us we often reach out for other more abstract terms that we, again struggle to describe in concrete terms like “being kind” – so what does “kind mean” ? Anyway, I digress, this is not meant to be about exploring these concepts right now so I’ll get back to Standing in our truth.
We really should be able to explain what our truth is in all areas of life in concrete terms. Part of standing in our truth is being able to tell others what we need and desire for our happiness and life satisfaction and if we don’t know, then how are we to communicate this to others effectively? No wonder so many of us are happy in our relationships, if we cant tell others how to treat us they don’t really have the opportunity to decide whether they feel able to meet our needs or whether their needs are compatible to ours. They are less likely to meet our needs because they don’t actually know what they are.
So the first part of standing in your truth is to know yourself well.
Next, standing in truth can sometimes be a scary thing to do. The reason being that others around us all have their own truths, no two people probably share exactly the same truths. We might have a lot in common but there are often differences in perspective and opinions, sometimes these will vary wildly and other times on more subtle or smaller levels. When other’s do not share our truth, it is possible that we may encounter conflict which most of us are afraid of. We can feel threatened when we are challenged, we might feel uncared for, different and therefore, not acceptable to others, we could be ostracised from the group, We may question whether we are right when others are strongly opposed to our truth. So we need strength and courage to be brave enough to stand up for what we believe to be true.
Where does this strength come from? Well, I believe, it comes from self love and a positive self concept. If we love and value ourselves, then we tend to believe we have a right to our opinions and feelings and to express our needs and desires. We feel comfortable to express ourselves even in the face of potential conflict because we believe in what we are saying and that we have a right to self expression. So learning to love the self is vitally important. If you think of yourself as tiny boat on the ocean, the people around you are the wind, rain, huge waves etc, what does any boat need to help it stay upright and on course? it needs an anchor, if you don’t have this then you could be turned upside down, beaten off course, pushed and pulled by the wind and the waves in any direction. So what is the anchor? this is our self esteem. With our anchor strong, we have a better chance of staying on the path of our choosing and standing upright with our sails straight and tall.
When we tell our truth, it is important to realise that as much as we have a right to this, others’ who we have established, have their truth which may be different to ours, also have the right to what they believe and to hold to this. One of the most important things to human beings is to feel heard and validated. Someone to say to us, “Hey, I hear what you are saying and you have a right to feel that way, it is okay to see things that way, that is your choice.” We need to hear this sometimes and so do other people. When faced with potentially conflicting truths, one wa to defuse conflict is to be able to acknowledge to the other person that you have heard and value what they have said. However, you have a different truth and it is important to you that they also allow you to have this perspective and for it to be okay for each of you to see things differently or want different things. When we can do this for each other, we are “respecting each other’s truth and we are also opening the door for negotiation and compromise. Sometimes when our truth involves our needs and desires and these seems to be conflicting with the needs and desires of the other person, we may have to try to meet in the middle. For this to work, both parties need to be willing to give a little so it is a Win:Win outcome for all.
There will be times however, when we feel so strongly about our truth that to compromise would be detrimental to our life satisfaction and our right to have our own purpose in life. In such cases, it is not always possible to compromise and nor should it be. Sometimes when this happens we have to evaluate the relationship with the other person in order to determine whether our 2 opposing truths can coexist or whether perhaps they are so different that it would not be healthy to continue. When we continue in a relationship of any kind that is out of balance, with one person or the other having to give up a vital truth in some way, eventually this will eat away at the good will and affection in that relationship and resentment begins to set it or alternatively, depression. Neither of these are healthy options and at some point and in some way, the relationship is likely to end. We have the choice whether we choose to consciously end things while we still feel an affection for the other person and walk away with positive feelings and memories or to hang on until everyone is unhappy and all that was positive is swallowed up and forgotten by the pain we have caused.
If we live our truth we will find that we have more respect for ourself, we are able to seek to have our needs and wishes met and we feel greater peace and satisfaction throughout our life. Standing in our truth is vital for our emotional and physical health and wellbeing.
When speaking your truth, always examine your motive and make sure that it is with a do no harm to others policy and that it is not about ego. The truth is never arrogant, egotistical or mean spirited. Truth is about peace, harmony, contentment, love, acceptance, integrity and joy. Search your soul when telling your truth and ask, how can I speak my truth with these goals in mind. Your soul will always tell you your truth as opposed to your mind that is often motivated by fear and generally, infinitely less wisdom.
Your truth should always be about you and your relationship with the internal and external as you see it not about judgement of others. Your truth is a beautiful thing. Aim to live in consciousness of your truth always.
My truth is that I am a multi-faceted work in progress who is still working on living my truth consciously. My truth is that these words are truth but it doesn’t mean we are always living them. I know I have work to do but that is okay, I am perfect in my imperfection now. What is your truth? Are your living it now or do you also have work to do? I wish you peace and love on your journey, for we all move in the same direction, we are simply taking different paths. Namaste.